Yesterday at Peet’s I eavesdropped on a pre-marital counseling session that was going on at the Private Conversation Table.
The Private Conversation Table is actually the Handicapped-Accessible table, but I’ve only seen a wheelchair there once. Mostly people sit there when they need to be away from all the other tables so they can talk intimately with each other about secret things such as God’s love for all humanity.
The thing is, it’s right by the coffee grinder, and I have to grind coffee for like 2 hours every morning. I’ve heard a lot of Private Conversations. It’s pretty great.
So this pastor (I assume he’s a pastor) was asking the couple how often they prayed together and did scripture study together. When they responded that they didn’t do it much, he “exhorted” them that they should be making a big point to pray and read the bible together.
But here’s the thing… when Jack and I did pre-marital counseling (with a woman I really respect), our counselor told us that doing “religious” things together like praying and bible study doesn’t create intimacy. Instead, her advice for us was to share with each other God’s work in our lives and hearts. She told us to regularly tell each other what we’ve been studying, praying about, and where we feel God leading us… and it was okay pray and study and do ministry separately or together, whatever we liked best.
Her advice was such a relief because I never felt like praying together “worked” like it was supposed to. Sometimes it had the opposite effect… all of our messy relationship crap came out in prayer even more strongly than in plain conversation. Someday I would like to be able to pray with Jack more freely, but it has been so nice just to talk to him and have him encourage me to follow God’s voice (and vice versa, I hope!).
The thing that made me irritated was the thought that this couple might leave feeling guilty that they weren’t “spiritual” enough together… or worse, that they might end up fighting about whose fault that was.
If I had any readers, which I don’t, but if I did, I would ask… what do you think?
